Found myself - again

Tee Hee! Ever wondered what happens to all the little pieces of yourself you leave behind? Does the aroma of your soul linger in some pocket of space? The echo of your words and deeds continue to reverberate? The flakes of peeling skin and falling hair revert to dust, to continually blowing through the ethos

Will some Tardis like contraption lift you back? Remove the time and space you tried to create?

I've just discovered that the internet has that ability.

I forgot Ihad this little blog wandering around cyberspace. In fact it was only today that I sought out my gmail password. (Don't tell. I have them filed in my phonebook under password - how else do I find my flickr, my Govia, or better yet my Boystown Lottery acct. no).

And now as I go to link onto someones blog, this jumps up.

So what should one do but write a post to say - Hello out there, I'm still here, still here, still hereeeeeee.............

Living in Limbo

Such a long time not to be posting - such a long time to feel no one wants to hear what I have to write , or that I have nothing to say. Which for a writer is quite incredulous.

For quite a long time I have been living under a cloud of frustration - trying to make myself fit into some one elses preconceived idea who I should be. Not only has it not worked, it has prevented forward movment in my life and my career and I am so sorry to say but also in my relationships.

Wow! If only I knew how I could let that become real for you - let you understand how confining that has been. How much heartache that has caused within me and around me. Yet through all my struggles, I have TRIED to be who I am. I have read and studied, and tried to meditate.
But life has taken a heavy toll on me and it is not always been easy to bounce back. I know some of my work colleagues have considered me to be quite 'hard.' Many of these same people drew these conclusions when I came to them vulnerable after the loss of my first born son, the loss of my marriage of 20 years and after I had run away to start a new life. Without sounding too dramatic it was too difficult to explain that my marriage had been based on sexual, emotional and physical violence, that my husband had taken every opportunity after my son died in a car accident (where I was the driver) of calling me a murderer (at least 3 to 4 times a day) and that finally the straw that broke this camels back was when my 10yr old son overheard his father saying that the wrong son died. So how could I share that without it seeming too dramatic? How could I fit into their neat orderly lives, after all it is not really the lifestyle of your average libarian?

So I didn't explain but I didn't stop reading and studying and meditating, even if I did try to curb my natural exuberance to fit into the neatly confining life of a librarian. But now I am determined that over the course of the next six weeks I will do even more reading, and studying and writing. I will hype up the ampage, I will use this journal, the online work journal - oh yes, I forgot to mention I am also undertaking an inhouse online course on marketing myself. (perhaps more about that some other time.) - and I will also be journalling in the the other journals I have spread thoughout my house. (I have something like 3 black ones, one nice read leather look one, one homemade paper one and one red embossed one. - Journals are an important asset in this journey, get yourself one, or like me get many, some for your good thoughts , some for scribble, some for quotes, or just throw anything into anyone of them, but make sure there is always one nearby.

Why am I going through all this?

Well finally I feel like I am making a breakthrough - from studying everyone elses thoughts I truly believe I am finally getting some real insights into ME and like what I am am finding and want to see more me. Sounds a little weird and wacky but I think it's working. Not everyone is going to like the results but I can live with that. So as I said I am surrounding myself with journals, quotes, and exercises and I will share some of that on here. I am also making 'dates' to surround myself with like minded people and events, so you may see some of that as I continue this journey.

So what am I reading and looking at that is making such a big difference? Well first I need to thank some of my mentors who are helping make a difference in me- Robert, my luscious boss who believes in me, supports me and is doing all he can to move me forward. My gorgeous friend and fellow crone, Helen, she sees a part of me that I don't, and still loves the part of me that is hurt and hurtful. To Michael who gives me my wonderful weekly dose of me being me, not to mention the wonderful painting space where I can experiment, stretch myself and to find out more about me. And to Rodney, my long suffering husband who reminds me to treat others with respect, to think a situation through and to look after my body as well as my soul. Thanks to him I no longer have so many 'wiggly bits', and I can dress and carry my body with pride.

But back to those books:
The Quiet Heart; Putting Stress in its Place by Peter Gruenwald
Brenda Kinsel's Fashion Makeover: 30 days to Diva Style - this is more than a fashion book, it truly is about finding the diva in yourelf and by that she Brenda articulates the diva as being the woman who is "ripe and juicy, free to love, and open to receiving it. She is aware of her talents and gifts, and she uses them. She is not afraid to shine and distinguish herself from others. A diva is the star of her life and she doesn't diminish others." Yes! Yes! Yes! I am so looking forward to working right through her book and releasing that diva - Wat ch out world!
Spiritual Business: Creating a Business from the Heart by Kate Forster. Must link to her blog, cause I love her book and her exercises, and I can see myself growing so much from really placing myself in her hands.

Delight yourself first - These wonderful word come from another long distant mentor SARK - here is the link to her journal http://www.sarkjournal.com/. And I fully intend to add her page to my own links so you too, can follow her experiences, in the meantime here is her webpage http://www.planetsark.com/.

If you are reading, and even if your not, I will post as I can and journal what I can. If you have read this far, I hope any insights I may share will help you on your journey.

You ARE the STAR of your life. Keep shining.

Good

well is this going to happen or not

Good Golly Miss Molly - what a mashup

The Blind Leading the Blind

Well although I don't feel at all capable with all the technology I am about to help my fellow team mates.
Yes that means I think I have finished.
OK I skimmed - but the trick was to bookmark all those sites that I didn't have time to look at fully. Killed two birds with one stone. Practised bookmarking and got through 23 Things
Whats that you say - where's my My Space. Welllllll.....
Stay tuned

MASHups

Oh the great posters I could make with mashups, all my poetry online with paintings.
my favourite quotes!!!
Thought I had created a picture but now can't find it. Will try again later when time is not so pressing to get to my twenty three things.

Podcasts for the Hearing Impaired Librarian

The workroom noise is deafening, trolleys rumble by, staff are chatting, phones are ringing. And I. I am trying to listen to a podcast - forget it. Give me You Tuba any day at least I can read lips.

Answer Boards

Well as if I would try to answer anything on these boards. I'd be afraid to look so dumb. Terrible statement for a refernce librarian to make

Yet another Story site

Hear are some great short stories. Here! Here!

My Delicious Bookmark

What a delightful name for something I am still unsure of. But I have registered and also added a bookmark. Of course as I like to go for the easiest route I used the link to Story Corp I used in my post last night as my first bookmark.

Story Corp is an Oral History site of ordinary people, talking of ordinary things - but it is the ability to tell and retell our story that most aids our growth. The value of listening and telling cannot be emphasised enough in building and sustaining relationship.
Listen if you have a moment to Studs Terkel, the now deceased author talking on Vox Humana, the human voice.

So if you want more about stories and all things storytelling go to http://delicious.com/marilyn666

Stories to warm your heart

It seems so hard to keep this blog up to date - so much I want to add so little time. And I'm sure you have all heard me complain of the problems of trying to do this on dial up. Tonight I wanted to add a site I had breifly touched on but have not fully had a look. Getting is a problem, however, so is adding it as a blog . So instead I wuill cheat. Here it is - a link it's called StoryCorp. It promises to have some very heartwarming stories so corp http://www.storycorps.net/about.
Tomorrow I intend to look at it more fully as well as this one ... stay tuned!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a84IowoW00w

Hi Guys, you know how much I love kids songs, hope you all like this one.
Its Little Bunny Foo Foo

Yarns of many different colours - RSS is finally RS

Oral Tradition

OznAsia

ABSTRACT ART - award 1 per post Pool

Powerhouse Museum - Photo of the Day

Library Stuff

Finally, finally, finally I am getting the hang of this. My feeds are on - putting pictures on is now a breeze (thats my lounge room with the first four patches of the blanket coming together).

I could go on for hours about the reasons RSS took so long- the stories of attempts to get Powerhouse loaded only to have it fail.

Or of following the Photo of the Day ( Mosman Bay), my old stamping ground, only to end up on a Mosman Library Blog feeling pathetically inept.

Or the endless hours searching for links related to storytellers or childrens literature only to find that most of us (storytellers and childrens authors) are also pathetically inept and don't have RSS feeds. So most of my favourite journals either need you to pay for subcribng or they don't have links. Yes some of us are still old fashioned.

I didn't get around to following up knitting links as my title page implies. Been too busy sorting out odd sized knitting 'squares' to do that.

But cheers the group now has one blanket about to be sewn up into a Crazy pPtch blanket. Look out for more photos.

Holidays and Aftermaths

Holidays can be so much fun, but coming back to work and picking up the loose threads ccan be harder.

I did get to visit my son in Middlemount - way up north in a mining town. Now that is an experience.

I got my my stories off to editors and got interested bodies to endorse them. Compassionate Friends are currently reviewing my latest offering Craig's Story. This is the story of a young child who won't let anyone tell her her best friend is no longer around her even though he recently died. Very heartwarming.

I think though the worst part of holidays is trying to use a dial up network to communicate. So its back to the good old libraries to sort things out, catch up and say hello.

I did get to check some great sites though. If you remember storyteller John Shield you may like to check out his site, http://oznasia.blogspot.com/ and see what is happening in Thailand's storytelling scene.

I did get some other links, but where oh where did I put them.

A Story or Two....

.......or is that a stoyteller or two.

Thought I'd practise putting on some photos. This is me trying to tell to School of the Air students through the Longreach School of the Air.

Look mum no hands!!! You guess it! It is hard to tell stories to a computer screen.

For the techno minded, the gadget in my left hand hand allows me to switch between speakers, so I could allow the voice of the child from Muttaburra to be broadcast to the rest of the class!

Picture Plus

Well today I push myself a little further, looking for images that portray a couple of my common loves, storytelling and the new found Knitting group fad. Naomi calls us the Nitwits. Our blanket is growing and should be a great "Mondrian" if I can work out how to get it together. Watch for the photo to come out soon!

May be true for her but I'm only half the person she is so am I a halfwit?

Anyway back to the job at hand to get a photo that links this two skills. I rather like this little one, wonder if I can knit something like this to take to Kids Big Day Out Storytelling at Mt Coot-tha next week

Thanks blossombird for her photo found at the supplied linkhttp://www.flickr.com/search/?q=+knitting+stories&m=text

Squared

How exciting. I now know how we can all have the same sized squares using different sized needles, different tensions and different ply wool.

Here's the pattern

Cast on 3 stitches
1st Row: k1 inc 1 K1
At the beginning of the next row and every row K1 inc. in next st knit to end of row
When side measures 20cm begin to decrease as follows:
K1 K2tog knit to end of row
Repeat till 4sts remain then K1 K2tog K1
cast off 3 stitches.

Good luck with your squares, you'll find that this gives a lovely diagonal pattern that can be adapted and used to create lots of interesting combinations when joined together.

Whoa..... what next. On line and afraid

Well it has finally come to this - a blogspot. An insignifcant start to a long and fruitful correspondence. But who with I wonder and about what?

From my heading you will see that I am concentrating on my storytelling and our "Knitting for the Homeless" knitting group.

In future I will keep you up to speed on just where these two projects are going.

For those not in the know I currently have one of my stories shortlisted in a competition. No mean feat. I am hopeing this leads onto bigger and better things. Who knows one day children will be writing to to me asking my thoughts on earth's sustainabilty and the position of finances in American Banks. Or maybe not!

As for the knitting/crochet group. My place next Tuesday 23/9/08
Cheers for now
myn